The Stroke You Never Knew I'd had

Back in the early hours of 1st July this year while only hours away from my final lecture at the End User Event I suffered what turned out what was diagnosed when I got back home to be a mini stroke. Up till now only a handful of close trusted friends in 3D have known this even occurred as I've waited until I felt things were back to normal. I was intending to never mention the whole thing as it could feasibly be a kiss of death to my career, but a mate in 3D pointed out it was such a crazy story I had to share it at some point. Plus as I primarily work as a freelancer anyway its less important than if I was intending to work for a company. Because let's face it after this no company on earth would want to touch me as minor strokes are big health risks and scare the shit out of them.

But I digress...

No doubt you want to know the why's and wherefores..so let me explain what happened from as much as I'm able to remember or have managed to piece together. On the night of the 30th of June after months of only sleeping 2 hours a night working on my short (that very few people saw before I canned it), 'Of Gods and Men', I was on the ragged edge and felt at least twice my age, looked worse and was mentally drained. I felt worse than I ever had in my life. As this was the 1st public day of End User Event 2011 and I had done my lecture during the day, some of the guys from the Autodesk 3D Max team and a few others went for a drink alongside myself till well into the early hours. Without going into the gory details we all had probably a one or two too many and I know I was taken back to my hotel about 3 or 4am.

I passed out face down fully clothed on the bed (something I never do...well not since I was 18) and woke up at 5am feeling very strange indeed. Although I didn't realise it at the time this was directly after I'd had a stroke in my sleep. It's probably the hardest thing to describe in any way that makes sense as its impossible to put the parts you are probably interested in into words, but it felt like I was living with someone else's brain and body. My entire left arm was numb and my coordination was well off . So much so that it took me 15 mins to get to the bathroom (large amounts of liquids will do that to a person lol). I couldn't think straight and it was like having a food mixer in my brain.

As I stood there taking a leak trying to work out why my left arm refused to move the way I wanted it to and why I felt like I was thinking through treacle, I came to the conclusion that it was a combination of way too much alcohol and maybe I had been lying on my arm... so I thought. I made an 'executive decision' that as I wasn't due to lecture till 2 or 3pm that I'd go back to bed and 'sleep it off'.

I got a call from Joep Vander Steen who is one of the guys who run's and organises the End User Event (and a good mate of mine as well) asking if I was still alive. Apparently word had gotten to him about the 'epic night out' the night before and he was a tad worried. My speech slurring, I told him I'd be there in about 45 mins and proceeded to try and get ready. I'll spare you those details but suffice it to say this was far from easy as my body was not cooperating and I had to concentrate more than I ever had in my life just to get my damn pants on without falling over. Buttons proved particularly troublesome as they didn't seem to make sense to me.

By the time I'd gotten to The Florin where the End User Event was held my arm was less numb although my middle finger was still totally dead and remained that way for over a month. The very 1st thing I did was get myself 3 espressos and down the lot one after another. I was later told this was in that particular case the best thing I could have done and it may have saved me from having another massive stroke within 12 hours after the 1st one. I sat down outside next to my mate Alex Morris and vaguely remember telling him I felt as rough as hell and my finger was numb. I probably sounded still a bit pissed I imagine, my memory is sketchy of that part of the day to be honest.

I got through my lecture which was no mean feat and had I been without my notes I'd not been able to do it (we'll cover why in a moment), and the day after next I flew back home.

For weeks I still felt terrible, my head was permanently spinning like I'd been on a rollercoaster day and night, I had suddenly got to the stage of being unable to sleep more than 2 hours at a time (I seem to have been left with this as an after effect of the stroke). I had lost all my knowledge of organic sculpting and couldn't understand it..it was like I'd never done it before. Everything I'd ever learned or knew was wiped out in a single mini stroke. But still I put off going to the doctors.

I couldn't think straight, I had massive holes in my memory and have lost amongst other things, entire years of my life and the memories of the births of both my kids. I found it weird that hard surface and non organic were totally unaffected. Which was lucky as I was working on the cathedral for FXPHD at the time. So whenever I see that model now I remember with pride it was done in the aftermath of a mild stroke, that I managed to tackle and rise to the challenge in the face of one of the worst moments of my life. I am proud of it for that reason alone above all others. I will also always remain grateful that Mike and John at FXPHD kept faith in me when any other people would have run a carpet mile.

Eventually my family became worried enough to gang up on me one afternoon and make it very clear I WOULD be going to the doctors whether I wanted to or not as something was obviously very, very wrong. I think in my heart I suspected something but hoped if I ignored it, then it'd go away.

So I got an emergency appointment with my doctor. He did a load of tests, asked more questions than I've ever known him to and immediately dialled for an ambulance to rush me to the stroke unit at Durham hospital. When he told me he suspected I'd had a stroke I thought he was joking as he shares my own often dry humour. But when it dawned on me that he WASN'T joking it hit me like 10 ton of shit. You know those bits in horror movies where the foreground rushes towards camera and the background rushes away? That's what it felt like when I was told. It floored me.

I wasn't keen on going to the hospital but as it was over 3 weeks since I'd had the stroke I was told I was in extreme danger as the type of mini stroke I had are usually followed by a massive one inside of 28 days! I was put on some pills and treatments that would stop a 2nd bigger and far more damaging stroke. But there was a catch.... the pills would take nearly a week to be fully active in my system and in that time I was in danger of the massive stroke. So for a week I had to remain totally unstressed and even tempered and keep off caffeine and cross my fingers that it was enough to stave off the 2nd stroke that was hanging over my head. Thankfully it was.

I made a couple of decisions then such as I started learning myself to sculpt organics again. I had the best teacher in the world....me. I relearned from my own videos, books, articles and tutorials by lots of hard slog. Luckily the muscle memory was still there , so the rest was just 2 months of cramming and wall to wall practice as I was determined to get back to where I was. I now believe I have and also explains to the more astute of you that noticed a bit of a slight change in my style here and there. It also explains why I am using Zbrush as well as Mudbox again as I started sculpting in zb and then moved to mud, so had to relearn in that order. After relearning myself from scratch in2 months I'm hesitant to drop it again, so now I use both....I think I've earned it lol.

Now The hospital still aren't sure how much damage was done so I finally had my brain scan last week after being on a 'emergency waiting list' since the end of July. Although I won't get the results of it till December. There is damage that the doctors know for a fact it's done, it's just a matter of finding out how much and what percentage of my frontal lobe is affected. Also compounding matter is the fact I've suffered from a very rare brain condition since I was 17, and not even the neurosurgeons knows how that'll affect things.

But it seems the way I've recovered that damage is either minimal or just knocked out a load of memories. I'm not at deaths door so don't get the wrong idea for gods sakes! But it proves what everyone probably knew all along, that doing months and months of 22 hour work days is not healthy and certainly not when combined with my coffee intake each day. It's meant I had to simplify my life and so I passed mudboxhub.com to Cris from 3d-palace.com to run and stopped the DVD's and free tutorials. If and when I start doing them again is open to debate really. I am certainly back up to speed and more than capable of it both skill and health wise, but the desire right now is not there. Plus I like doing the stuff for FXPHD and will always feel that I owe those guys a debt for sticking with me when everyone else would have ran like the wind.

I didn't outline at the time what was going on because firstly it was a bad time for me and I didn't want a zillion questions, and also I didn't want to mention it until I was sure I was back to my old skills. So those of you who I told and kept the secret, thank you. So there you go, the ironic true story of how I ended up having to relearn sculpting from my own damn videos. Which I have to say is a surreal experience listening to yourself teaching something that you have no memory of ever doing.

It's an experience that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy and could have been so much worse. I count myself as lucky to have got a warning. Yes its left me with years of my life now with no memory but that's a small price to pay. It's a journey I am proud to have came out of the other side of and one that has changed my attitudes forever.

Now I realise this could be the kiss of death to my career but in reply to anyone or companies that feel like that I say this:

"In the aftermath of my mini stroke I started and finished the image below. So I don't think you have anything to worry about. ;) "

Rant:: Stop with the crazy emails already!

It pains me to have to post another blog like this, but after the massive increase in the weeks following the last lot of vids of mine to be pirated we've had the usual influx of crap emails.

OK I'm going to say this one last time....

I've asked nicely (and sometimes a bit less than nicely) to please remember I am not a extended version of Autodesk's tech support for Mudbox. Do not send me emails about how your viewport suddenly has large floating pigs in it or you mesh exploded taking half your house with it. (Or indeed any variations of the above).

It is not my job.

My job is a freelance artist, tutor and sometimes author, I am not here when you cannot be bothered to read a help file or search Google. I am certainly not here to solve problems you may have after you've bid for a freelance gig you realise you have no idea how to do or as a allegedly faster version of Mudbox tech support.

I also do not want to hear about how lucky I am to be asked to work for free on an 'awesome project' of yours that pays nothing, has no one working on it and of course has you as director lol. As the joker said 'if your good at something you don't do it for free...' No artist worth their salt will work on a free project from someone without a good track record unpaid, and certainly not (if they have any brains at all) when the only person working on it is a guy no one knows who insists 'its awesome'.

If I do something for nothing for a person you can bet your arse they are either:

A - A friend

B - someone with a vast track record who I like both in their job and as a person.

C - it is to get a person from either A or B out of a hole they are in by no fault of their own.

D- they are famous lol

E - It's someone I know well

It will never be for:

A - someone I do not know

B - someone I have never met

C - someone with no track record

D - someone who wants someone else to do all the work on 'their awesome project'

E - Someone who wants to use a model of mine in a fan film as they are too lazy to make one themselves or hire someone to do it.

F - That coincides with one or more of the above as well as shortly after a DVD / book or whatever of mine has been pirated.

I do not care how amazing you think it is, I do not need the 'free publicity' as I'm more than capable of making as much of that as I need myself. I am aware you think your making the next big thing and you think it will be so totally awesome it'll make you a millionaire, but trust me when i say this...99.9% of the time it won't. I realise you think you are a special little snowflake but your not, your the same as everyone else. After 40 years on this earth thats become very obvious.

So stop with the emails already! Jesus its getting beyond a joke, if you cannot do something then do what the rest of us do ....and learn. If it is outside of your skill set and you don't have time to learn then be prepared to pay as you wouldn't ask any other profession to work for free so please for the love of god don't do it with me or artists like me.

So that's my very simple rules... respect them and you respect me, ignore them and expect an email telling you to fuck off (and that's if I'm in a nice mood....which most times its only fair to warn you..... I'm not lol).

Doodles

I love doodling stuff as most times I have no idea what's going to pop up until its nearly done. In fact anyone who has watched me sculpt knows that for 75% of any speed sculpts I do it looks ropey as hell until the last few mins. The exception is of course pre-planned pieces. But it's sort of a trademark of mine...




Anyways, here's a few doodles I've selected from the last few nights, non are serious and all done in my typical 'I have no idea what I'm going to sculpt' mode. I may be able to show a client pice done for a kids TV thing I did for Space Digital soonish..in fact I may be able to now, I've not checked yet lol. Not because I have some mega halloween thing planned, because it may suprise some of you to find out I actually hate halloween. (Mainly because like guy falkes night and carol singers it means people knocking on my sodding door when I'm trying to get shit done. lol)

Sort of lost my way on these ones when my son decided to come and 'help daddy' lol

A Brand New Way to Concept Sculpt by Kane Robson aged 6 1/2

You see this 6 yr old little monster above? That's my son Kane, who besides seemingly trying to send me and my wife crazy... is obsessed with art and has come up tonight with an amazing technique to break out of the box when concept sculpting. It's not often I see a technique that literally changes the way I sculpt them, but also I feel is so good that I am compelled to share it.

The theory behind it (that I'm sure Kane had no idea of when he come up with it tonight) is similar to when a 2d concept artist maybe use a series of random shapes and then similar to a Rorschach test 'see' the idea within it and then flesh it out. Sort of in a similar to one of my favourite apps 'Alchemy' does in 2D. The beauty of Kane's idea is that it's exactly the same thing but in 3D.

If you take note of the 1st few seconds of the video above, you'll notice I create a random shape in Zbrush (as Dynamesh works perfectly for this), and then use a series of random placements of lips and noses to create and interesting shape. Then I see in this some things I meld together with the clay build-up. I keep this up until the sculpt 'emerges' from the randomness. Then it's just your usual concept sculpting / speed sculpting.

Obviously this is not just limited to using noses and lips..you could use any low-ish res shape at all, but I urge you if you're a sculptor to give it a try. I ask only one thing that as my sons came up with this wonderful idea that he does get credit for it and not ripped off wholesale as has happened to idea of my own in the past. He's 6 years old and to be honest it'd be a bit fucking harsh if the 3d world starts using this and then 'forgets' the little boy who came up with this wonderful idea. I'm sure many will lay claim to this technique, but the bottom line is this...no one shared it with the digital sculpting world.period.

This could be done equally as well in 3DCoat as well of course....although not as easily in Mudbox as you'd be reduced to using vector displacement stamps and stencils.

Now in my workflow at the point this video gets to mid res / locked down(ish) I'd export to Mudbox and continue from there and only retop if the design was approved. (Until if / when mesh creation that could be used for this appears in Mudbox, which i would hope it does.) The strong part of this technique is that as artists we can often get locked into a family of shapes and forms that we find ourselves treading out time after time and that can lead to staleness. I often feel that models done in a group can end up feeling stale to me using the same shape language. This forces you kicking and screaming into new shapes and forms. To me that is probably the biggest change to my concepting workflow I can get!

Hopefully many of you can see the power of this way of concepting once you give it a try. I'm calling it The Kane Technique.

Wayne's review's :: Zbrush 4 R2(D2??)

The name of the next service pack???? lol

So what's the point in doing a review of software that's been out a fair few week's you may be asking? Personally I think if you're going to do a review of anything the lest you can do is use it for some length of time and give it a good shot. Now I know some of you think you know the content of this review and my feelings about r2(d2 lol) in advance...pretty easy to guess right? Wrong.

Some of you may not remember back in the dark mists of time I used Zbrush a lot from the early days of version 2, I released 2 DVD's teaching it (don't hunt them out they are crap and out of date...and also the company responsible hasn't paid me a royalty in about 7 years lol) and a massive brick like tome of a book on it. (That's worth hunting out as there's a lot of stuff in there you won't find anywhere else in regards to little tricks....but I warn you it's a heavy read.) Basically I know it well...it is only an idiot that lets his knowledge drop of an application, even if you 99.9999999% of the time use another such as Mudbox like I do. I always say to new guys and gals coming into digital sculpting that you really need to know both (and a bit of 3d coat won't hurt either!) as you don't want to wall yourself into one software or skill set. Being able to use more than one makes you more attractive to employers.

Normally each time I dare to write or mention the 'Z' word I get roughly the same amount of hate emails as a serial killer. But after all these years I have came to the conclusion 'stuff it, I have an opinion just as valid as everyone else, in some ways maybe a unique one. Although the following review means no more and no less than anyone else because opinions are like arse holes...we all have one.

So anyways.....on to the actual review:

As I've not reviewed anything since version 2 ...there is a fair bit to catch up on. But for the sake of length I'll keep to features from r2 and version 4 that I feel work well together in a workflow. So the model shown here (one of a number of doodles I did to test the features and workflows), uses most of them. I've ignores the new matcap lightcap stuff as its as much use to me as a chocolate tea cosy.

The good:

Dynamesh is a very cool feature, one that could almost have been made with the way I work in mind (you'll understand this if you've seen any of my timelapses). Its also a feature it would have been very easy to turn into a chore if anything other than the ctrl + drag in open viewport space was used to operate it. It responds well, although I found it needed tweaking for my needs, although I've yet to find a software that doesn't. Although most people seem to be obsessed with starting from a sphere, I find it much more powerful to start for either a very, very low poly cage or a Zsphere rig. This may be ironic to come from the guy who basically invented speed sculpting mostly from spheres lol.... but it makes more sense to start from a very basic sub 200 poly armature if it's a more complex shape.

Now i always loved Zsphere's so the new features they added last time did not go unnoticed by me. Although the 'new improved Zspheres' are not as intuitive as they could be out of the box. But I've always found Zspheres easy to control (even more so if you bear in mind how they actually work behind the scenes). The strong point of Dynamesh is the fact it gives you an even sculpting topology that's mostly quads. Although it does through in some triangles in there and some odd T shape intersections.

Now if you a person who wants to say sculpt or do your concept roughs in Zbrush and your main sculpting or texturing in Mudbox your going to have el problemo! Mudbox does not like T shaped intersections in your mesh and will warn you about this bad topology. You can import them but it increases the change of map extraction errors. Obviously an interaction with other sculpting apps is not top of Pixologic's list of priorities (although if it's to be a serious pipeline orientated app then it must, as there is more than just Zbrush used in major pipelines! But apps have been removed from pipelines for lesser problems.) My suggestion would be to improve het remeshing used to make it more pipeline friendly as you can bet you arse that Mudbox won't be the only app Dynamesh models will prove troublesome for. I wrote a plug-in for Mudbox to solve this automatically by remeshing...no I'm not making that available as it means I have a solution no one else has

It amazes me how often people forget the clip brushes, they are a very useful tool and as many of you are aware makes hard surface sculpting a no brainer. In contrast to Mudbox where it's certainly possible (I've done it many times), but requires far greater degree of brush control.

The boolean stuff (or stuff I asked to be added around version 2 lol)..

Like the lathe brush a Boolean feature was one I banged on about to Pixologic years back. chances are they ignore me, forgot, then came up with the idea themselves. I count this as part of the Dynamesh feature set, it's a very powerful feature and I'm surprised no one has discovered how it can be used for joints when making toy figure proof version. (A little Wayne hint there). Although it goes without saying that you're not going to want to do a Boolean operation between two very high meshes or that's asking for trouble!

So if you combine the whole Dynamesh toolset with Zspheres clip brushes and hard surface brushes it can be used very easily to come up with concepts for later refining. This to me is R2(D2)'s strength right now. It also now has a far more useful feature set for those working for eventual 3D Printing.

The bad:

yep you knew I would find some stuff bad or annoying...so here's the things I feel that are either weak areas or need improvement on.

The Viewport:

yes it looks very ice and all, but often the model bears little resemblance to how it will look at render time in a dedicated app such as Maya, Max or Softimage. This is sort of a biggy as I do not like having to guess how my model will turn out. At very least it needs a less flashy more accurate presentation version you can switch to. If you do not believe me, do a famous persons likeness then switch to you main rendering app.

Texturing:

Jesus Christ that needs a total revamp! For texturing at high level Zbrush isn't going to cut it these days with Mari, Mudbox and 3D Coat all able to outperform. Its needs dumping and a proper texture based workflow added with multiple channels.

Topology / Retopology:

With all this Dynamesh stuff retopology is becoming more and more a must have, and it must be easy for users to pick up and do without needing to spend either ages doing it, or read a manual the size of the encyclopaedia Britannica. Topogun does it well, 3D Coat does it well... Without good topology stuff out of Dynamesh isn't much use, you wouldn't want to animate or rig and skin a mesh it produces. The current method of retopology in Zbrush is widely accepted as total crap. I agree with that opinion, no one in their right mind would use that as their chosen method of retopping unless they were forced to....at gunpoint .....by Seal Team 6 lol.

Final Thoughts....

I would say to new sculptors don't think that Dynamesh will act as a get out clause forever having to learn proper poly modelling or good topology as those are vital to any pipeline. Some stuff is just easier to poly model accurately. It is not the be all and end all, and pipeline will not adjust to fit a single program (all be it a popular one such as Zbrush).

This is a good solid release and to be honest Dynamesh and its related features make it worth it alone as it frees you up when concepting. Yes I'll certainly be using it for my concepts as I'd be stupid not to until a faster or better way comes along. But the big secret it's in no company's interest to promote is that instead of using sculpting apps on their own, if combined you find they are much more than the sum of their parts. You can then have some unique things in your pipeline that none of the apps are capable of on their own.

So while I'm still a Mudbox guy for sculpting, yes I will use Zbrush (and 3D Coat) to get models done and use each application to its strengths. I see the competition between the sculpting apps as a positive thing as it mean they are all forced out of any temptation to stagnate and to provide us with new and better tools. That's makes us the artist the winner. Life would fast become boring with only 1 sculpting app around, plus it keeps all the developers on their toes. Which is exactly where development teams should be. If they are too relaxed, then that's bad for us. If I were a carpenter I wouldn't limit myself to just a saw, I'd also want other tools as well. I'd want to be competent with all my tools so I could do my job better and more easily. To be frank all the 3 sculpting apps are more than capable these days and all are used in production pipelines every single day around the world. What you choose ifs up to you and what you need to do at that moment. They are all capable of good art in capable hands.

Hopefully this is as even handed a review as is possible. I have done my best not to be biased one way or another. Yes the new release if very good, no its not perfect and won't make the lame walk or the blind see. But if it did...well that'd be boring for any app and the instant death knell to all development. I don't know about you, but that's not something I'd like to see. Its the imperfections that often help us to produce the best art.

Lastly Pixologic should release a service pack...called R2 D2 just for shits and giggles.

Mudbox Life Saver Mini App

okay dokey boys and girls time for a nice little life saving app for all you mudbox users.

Now you know the one thing annoys all of us that have used mudbox and has can be a right old nuisance in production? When the mudbox preferences get corrupted and can cause all manner of crazy errors and bugs to crop up that use up your time, my time, autodesk tech support's time...time better spent in a much more productive way, so when it crops up basically everyone is the loser.

So what casues it?

the preference files can become corrupt from time to time for any one of a shed load of reasons. Wher they do mudbox can have one of about 200 hissy fits throwing what seems like bugs but are actualy due to the preferences being corrupt. Hence the #1 rule if your having a problem with a bug in mudbox is you'll be asked if you have 'deleted the mudbox folder in your documents folder' So that this is then recreated next time mudbox starts up and usually 90% of the time solves theproblem you may be having.

So as I had a couple of mins spare, I've knocked up a very simple EXE that'll work on win 7 and delete the contents of the Mudbox folder in your Documents folder (I've been using a varation on this since the 2009 version and just never got around to sharing it.) Yes you can do ths by hand, and no its not very hard at all to code. (its simply a fact that I don't think anyone bothered to upload it for anyone to use lol.) One good thing is its both 'future proof' and 'past proof' and doesn't matter what pc version your running 2009,2010, 2011 subscription advatage pack, the latest one...whatever...it does not care.

DOWNLOAD

So to remedy this, here ya go,....it comes complete with absolutely no tech support at all (so please no emails if you are having issues) and if you can already set up a batch file instead to do it, go right ahead. This is for those of you who want a quick 1 click fix and who maybe aren't coders, chances are if you are and your a mudbox user, you've probably wrote your own anyway.

Just stick it on your desktop, double click on it when needed and it will come up wiht a promot asking you if your sure (just in case you hit it by accident) , proviign you say 'yes' it will then proceed to delete everything in the "Users\Documents\Mudbox" folder along with the folder itself for the current user. (so please remember to back stuff up if you have other stuff in there if you want to keep it, you shouldn't really be storing models etc there anyway!)

I also have a far more elegant solution that restores your brush prefernces and settings but alas it'd be a nightmare to convert so it'd be useful for everyone else on the planet except me. Should I ever get time I'll be sure to upload it.